If you just found out your wife had an affair your emotions may make you desperate for answers. This can be even more chaotic if she wants to fix the marriage. Being traumatized and emotional, you could wind up fixing things in an unhealthy way. What you need is to give yourself a fighting chance first. This makes it easier when learning why the affair happened so you both can move forward without any regrets.
It is easy to look for things you might have done or could have done differently. The truth is your wife had the affair, not you. The affair is her fault and you didn’t do anything to cause it. This is because if she was not happy in the marriage she should have talked with you, not try to solve it outside the marriage. Good news is it doesn’t have to be too late to have that talk.
If your wife is serious about wanting to fix the marriage she needs to prove it. The first step towards doing this is for her to cutl ties with the other man. You don’t have to believe her but allow her the opportunity to prove herself.. You’ll be convinced once she shows she has nothing to hide anymore allowing you to start trusting more a little at a time.
At the same time it is a good idea to fix yourself. Realize that this betrayal has destroy the person you were before the affair. Your self-esteem and confidence can be damaged leaving lost and confused. You need to take steps towards repairing these things. Redefine yourself again. Get out and do things like exercise, going out with friends and changing your looks. Become strong again so you can think clearly again.
You will start to realize what you really want again and how to get there.. You can then talk about things without worrying about making the situation worse. Discover the problems before your wife had an affair will tell a story you both may need to hear. Then you will be able to fix the marriage. The deeper you diff into your marriage the better you will be able to fix things.
Once you have everything on the table you can make decisions as what to do with the marriage. (Is it worth saving or not). It will also allow you both the knowledge to make the right decisions without suppressing your feelings and having any regrets. This will help if you stay together or if you decide to go your separate ways.
After you learned your wife had an affair it can destroy your self-esteem. Fix yourself first by realizing you are not at fault and you need repaired before you can be any good to the marriage. Your wife needs to end the outside relationship and become transparent to you. Then you can get together and figure out the other details of why the affair happened and how to move forward.
