The basic idea behind a trial separation is for the two people in the marriage to spend time apart and reflect on their behavior in the marriage as well as the relationship in general. It is generally considered a final attempt to save the relationship.
While some therapists believe it can be a helpful tool in bringing couples close to a divorce back together, it also can be a stepping stone to a legal separation and then a divorce. Of course, even therapists that advocate a trial separation would advise their clients to try out other ways to reconcile before undergoing such a drastic action. That includes vacationing together, marriage therapy, and even something as intimate as sexual massage – anything that may bring the couple closer and reignite the passion in the marriage.
However, if these steps don’t work, a trial separation may be just what the doctor ordered. It gives each person a chance to reflect on the relationship without all the noise, arguments, and pressure of living together when things aren’t going well. It’s usually set for a predefined period of time, and when that time is over, both people will generally know if they really want to stay together or prefer to go back to being single.
Trial separation as a therapy technique can actually solve some specific, yet not uncommon, issues in some marriages. One example is codependence – after years together it can be common for relationships to become codependent. One person may start to blame the other for everything that goes wrong or doesn’t happen according to plan.
However, if given the chance to live alone for several months, that person will have the chance to feel more independent, to speak out more often, and to realize that they have the power to enact change in their own life. They don’t need to rely on their partner for everything. This can be extremely beneficial to the relationship, by taking pressure of the partner and the marriage as a whole.
One final benefit of a trial separation is the fact that it is pre-planned and usually suggested by a marriage counselor. The reason this is a benefit is that it maintains the trust in the relationship. Nobody is walking away or leaving the relationship. This is a strategy in which both people agree to live separately for some time to determine if they still want to be married to each other.
One of the most difficult things regarding a split is how to get back together. Normally, one person must apologize to the other, swallow their pride, and beg forgiveness. This can actually be a big reason why people don’t get back together – too much pride or not wanting to say I’m sorry. A trial separation eliminates this roadblock – both parties agree to come back at a predetermined time, so nobody has to swallow their pride.
At the end of the day, a trial separation is not for everyone, but it could be just what your relationship needs. It has had success – a lot of people come back realizing that they don’t want to live alone and have really not appreciated their partner and what they have enough. Sometimes stepping on the other side of the lawn makes you realize that the grass there really isn’t any greener.
