Is A Passionate Kiss Outside of Marriage Considered Adultery?

What is your heart telling you during that passionate kiss? Scripture points out to us that even when we look at another person with lust (desire) we have committed adultery in our heart. If I think about being thirsty, I will want to drink some water. And the more I dwell on how thirsty I am, the thirstier I will become. In the same way, if I think about being lonely and unhappy in my marriage, I may want to go outside the bounds of my marriage for attention and happiness.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ but I tell you anyone who looks at another woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28 NIV)

When a married man or woman even looks at another person with thoughts of sex or with thoughts of desiring him or her, it is adultery of the mind. The more we think about desiring another person and the more we look with thoughts of longing, the chances are physical adultery will occur. What is produced in our mind eventually comes out in our actions. So knowing this then, what do you think a passionate kiss will produce?

What causes emotional infidelity is when a husband or wife does not feel that their needs are getting met – something is missing from the relationship, or they don’t feel loved. So what happens is usually by accident, the seemingly deprived spouse finds someone online that is apparently and genuinely interested in them. Ironically all of the missing elements within that person have been discovered and fulfilled since meeting this new online friend.

Sometimes these relationships are not just online, but from someone you know and talk to every single day, such as where you work. Pretty soon, you are feeling so euphoric with all of the new attention this person is giving you that you end up in a passionate and absorbing kiss. The more this other person fills you up with attention, the more your mind will tell you to have sex with them.

What causes physical adultery is looking and desiring and then thinking about having sex with someone in your mind. God wants us to only desire the person we married. If you feel that something is missing in your marriage, or you just do not feel loved by your spouse, it means it is time to get more intimate and bring romance back into the marriage!

When we ask God for guidance and we stop thinking and desiring someone other than who we married, we find the person we married pleasing to us and we realize we don’t desire strangers any more. You see the switch in thinking? That switch of thoughts comes from the Power of Christ within you. This happens because of prayer and the faith we have that God WILL do what He says He will do. The more we think of doing what is right we will desire our spouse even more! If we don’t care about what is right or wrong, we will inevitably fall into lustful thinking and desires.

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (Galatians 5:16-17 NIV)

As believers we are not alone in our sufferings – we have God’s words in our heart and Christ’s teachings in our minds. We must ask God to keep us from lustful thoughts so we may not even “think” or “desire” another person in a sexual or lustful way.

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly possessions, and to live self controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. (Titus 2:11 -12 NIV)

Where can a passionate kiss lead? It can lead to disrespect of oneself, spouse and to God. Adultery brings ruin to many homes – in the end when all is said and done, was it worth losing your marriage over? In a healthy marriage, where Christ has been given priority over everything else, married people reserve themselves for each other.

For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world. (1 John 2:16 NIV)